Fatherless Daughters

10 years ago
Posted in: Miscellaneous

Writing this blog is emotional and painful for me. Those who know me personally, know my relationship with my father has always been rocky and sometimes even volatile. However, this blog is not intended to be focused on my father but the wisdom I’ll share is based on my experience and what I’ve seen happen in other people’s lives. Hopefully it will help free some of those still seeking their father’s unconditional love as they read. The term fatherless Daughter is somewhat broad. It can refer to female child that never had a father figure but in this sense I’m referring to those who may have had fathers but they’re emotionally absent. Every little girl craves the love and attention of her father. A father is supposed to be your first example of unconditional love, one who represents God in your life. He’s supposed to guide and protect. He’s the one who teaches you what to look for in a man. Many of us don’t get this from our fathers and it’s not necessarily because our earthly fathers are absent in our lives but because they’re incapable of giving us what we need emotionally. This often leads to insecurity and trust issues in our lives. Unconditional love isn’t jealous, it doesn’t hurt or put you down, it’s not abusive, it’s not manipulative and it doesn’t seek to destroy you. The aforementioned behavior patterns are dysfunctional. Saying hurtful and mean things and then apologizing is also a dysfunctional pattern of behavior. A real apology should be accompanied by visible change. We often accept these dysfunctional behavior patterns from men we choose to be in relationship with because it’s what’s been modeled for us. Many women also seek what they crave in any man they meet leading to promiscuity and even more hurt. I’m grateful to God that I’ve never compromised myself sexually because of any emotional deficit I may have had because of my rocky relationship with my father and that was primarily due to my mother’s unconditional love and intervention. But I know women who go through this pattern of destruction continuously because they didn’t get what they needed emotionally from their father. At some point, we have to accept the fact that what we got in an earthly father basically amounts to the equivalent of a sperm donor and look for the love of our Heavenly father instead. Realizing this fact brings freedom from all expectations. Recognizing God’s love for us helps break destructive patterns that arise as an emotional outcry. We are special to God and He has incredible plans for our lives. We don’t have to settle for what’s been modeled for us. God is able to bring a man who is able to model the true love of God in our lives and the lives of our future daughters. Dare to see yourself as God sees you and love yourself despite the hurt and pain you’ve experienced. You may even have to walk away from a relationship with your earthily father to realize what I’m saying. It doesn’t mean you love them any less. It just means you love yourself more. Severing these and any other destructive relationships will bring you peace and allow you to flourish. Forgive them, knowing that forgiveness frees you as well. It rids you of any bitterness or resentment and opens the hand of God in your life. If they ever want back in your life trust must be earned with proof that they’ve really changed. I know this is a hard subject but I hope somebody had a SELAH (think about it) moment while reading even those fathers who have made their daughters emotionally fatherless.

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